Today is a holy day. What s an atheist supposed to feel? Shame? Boredom? Neither. There's way too many things to do to reflect on silly things like that.

@настроение: All I wanna do is have some fun.


I have seen the most beautiful man in my history class. Just the moment I laid my eyes on him for the very first time, my heart nearly exploded. He is just so... beautiful. Not handsome and not pretty. He's just beauitful. He has that masculine feminne duality that is so rare. It seems as though in him there is a perfect mix and it makes buterflies flutter in my stomach. If only I knew his name... Every time I see him I'm overcome with a senseless desire to kiss the sun tattoo on his wrist and to make him understand just how beautiful he is to me. I haven't felt a desire like for a long long time. Even with Eric it was only a ghost of longing that I feel now. But for all the supposed pain that longing is supposed to bring, I can't help but smile. Every time I think about him and his bright brown eyes, I just grin like an idiot to myself. It can't be helped. I can only hope that he will be mine soon.

@настроение: You're so fucking special. I wish I was special.


I had such a busy time lately. The recording went pretty well, though we didn't exactly have time to record my song. Becky's fingers got tired, so I suppose it was left for next time. A bunch of my friends are leaving for school. I still have a month to go and then, it's back to hitting the books. I'm a little scared. I know what to expect of college now but at the same time, I'm apprehensive about it. Will I be able to make friends this year? I hope so. I don't want to just go through college life all by myself.
There's a russian kid at my work. I talk to him every once in a while when customers aren't there. Nothing much changed over this summer and maybe it's a good thing. I'm happy with who I am, though as always there is room for improvement.

@настроение: I wake up. It's a bad dream.


My summer has been going rather well. I hag out with people and work. Soon, I'll record a song with a friend. I wonder how well that will go and in the winter we plan on making a music video. Now that should be fun. At any rate for now, I have no complaints.

@настроение: Can't you see, you belong to me.


Guh, I'm still sick. It sucks to be coughing and having chills while everyone else is enjoying the nice weather.

@настроение: I've got friends in all the right places.


Yesteday...Mm, yesterday was such a beautiful day. If only there were words to describe the greens and blues that I saw yesterday. The lake swelled with life. The way the colors played on its surface! The way the sun sparkled and how white the crest of the waves were! And when I looked across the plain of grass out onto the lake, I didn't have a care in the world. It was as though for a moment, heaven came down to earth to teasingly give us a glimpse of what is yet to come. Today is also a beautiful day, but not quite as magical as yesterdays. Tomorrow, they say, it's going to to be cold and there is a possibility of rain. But well, it's very possible that for every good day, there is a bad day, and that in the universe nothing goes unbalanced. Perhaps the weather is the same way.

I also went out drinking with Eric and his friends. It was interesting. I can swear that the foul excuse for vodka that they gave me actually helped me with jmy cold. But maybe it were just hte grapes. At any rate, I had fun and that's all that counts.

@настроение: Disco Dollie


Meating up with my ex wasn't so bad after all. We hung out for 4 hours, but it didn't feel that long at all. Anyway, I'm glad we're still friends. I really liked him as a person even if I wasn't sexually attracted to him.

Then again, when am I sexually attracted to anyone? There must be something wrong with me or else I'm just not that emotionally developed yet. But then, maybe it's not a bad thing. When my roommate tells me what kind of condoms they use, it makes me wonder where it all leads. Well, nowhere really. In the next fire years these boyfriends and girlfriends won't even remember each others names and the few tender moments they shared would blend into one memory of college and nothing more. Nothing is eternal, especially love.

Sometimes I wonder if there is actually someone out there for me. I hope so. The alternative is too frightening. I have accepted death, but I will fight against the fate of dieing alone. I want someone to hold my hand. It is a frightening journey.

@настроение: Liebst du mich jetzt, Lena?


So yesterday I got drunk. Partied with Russians. Some guy tried to kiss me. And now my knee is in pain.
But I have to admit, getting drunk with Russians was pretty damn fun. Between remembering Ruki Vverh songs and DDT songs, somehow Vasya found a guitar and we ended up singing until I decided that I neede to find some rum and tea and left.

Всем нашим встречам разлуки, увы, суждены.
Тих и печален ручей у янтарной сосны.
Пеплом несмелым подернулись угли костра.
Вот и окончено все, расставаться пора.
Милая моя, солнышко лесное,
Где, в каких краях встретишься со мною?
Крылья сложили палатки - их кончен полет,
Крылья расправил искатель разлук - самолет.
И потихонечку пятится трап от крыла...
Вот уж, действительно, пропасть меж нами легла.
Не утешайте меня - мне слова не нужны.
Мне б разыскать тот ручей у янтарной сосны.
Вдруг сквозь туман там краснеет кусочек огня,
Вдруг у огня ожидают, представьте, меня.

@настроение: 7 days to ACEN


I had a wonderful dream today, which I so wish was reality. Somehow I ended up getting JRM's phone number. So I text him and I don't expect an asnwer, but then he texts back. All of a sudden, I see him and we start talking. In my dream, he wasn't dousch. He was actually kind of shy and really nice. He asks me then "What are your intentions?" after he kisses me and right when I was about to answer him, I fucking wake up.
When else would I have a dream like that? Not soon enough. Usually I get some weird crap but this was actually a genuine good dream. Damn it.. would have been even metter if it was for real. Oh well.

@настроение: Wanna go to lunch?


"Mad World"

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

@настроение: And the devil too.


Давно не виделись: здравствуй!
Hoчные Снайперы

Давно не виделись: здравствуй.
Наш город не изменяет.
Наш город пахнет любовью,
Наш город как новобранец.
Ты с рюкзаком за плечами,
А я играю навылет,
Все также сердце танцует…
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня…

Давно не виделись. Дрейфишь
Спросить, кто знал мои руки,
Кто украшал мои губы,
Кто обессиливал нежно,
Кто раздевался бесшумно…
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня…

Давно не виделись. Между
Растут опасные страны,
И превращаются в звезды,
В самую крепкую дружбу,
В красивых женщин с ножами…
Мне так приятно, что помнишь,
Кто я, но нам не мешает –
Небо целует небо,
Ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо целует небо,
А ты обнимаешь меня,
Небо – ты обнимаешь меня,
Давно не виделись: здравствуй


Best Day Ever

The concert was SOOOO awesome. I mean, it started out slow because two crappy opening bands played. One of them was Velvet Code. Literally, I was yawning during both acts and the only thing that kept me awake was looking around at all the freaks there. There were some ugly mofos there. Not to mention that a number of people looked they had an accident with a rainbow and it got all over their faces and clothes and hair. Some looked like they never put on eyeliner before. Losers. And others just had everything and anything pierced with every object imaginable.
But then.... MSI comes on. The opening song? Shut me Up. Then they go into Mastermind. But this time, I'm already losing my voice. Someone's elbow is in my kidneys because of course I have to be in the mosh pit, screaming my lungs out and singing with him. He calls us losers and freaks and fat fags and e scream for more. wonder how he keeps his hair up like that. Instead of the regular guitar chick, some fat guy was playing. Anyway, they played Never Wanted to Dance, Tornado, Stupid MF, Revenge, Straight to Video and a number of other songs. I swear, the two hours went by in a blink.
And guess what? In the middle of the show the lead singer started stripping. Yeah, he's kind of fugly, but he took off his shirt and shoes and the only thing that was in place were his tight tight jeans with a studded belt. He jumped he insulted us he sang. He gave a girl a tour of the stage for twenty bucks. The lucky bitch got to hold his hand and apparently that was the easiest 20 bucks he ever made without blowing anyone.
But the end SUCKED. They just upped and left. Didn't play encore. Didn't say good-bye. I was heart broken because I didn't even get to touch him. Some fat bitch in front of me wouldn't let me get closer to the stage. Anyway, after that, I bought a t-shirt. Rip off, but the t-shirt is majorly sweet. My friend bought a CD from the crappy first band Velvet Code, which had every song long and boring and about losing love. Ew.
And then we left, singing MSI songs on the way out.

@настроение: It's 3 am. She won't put out. Let's go make out with her friends. Make out with her friends.


MSI toight!!!!!!!!!

@настроение: like a fucking tornado


So today is the last class of the spring quarter. I'm going home for a few days to enjoy the remodeling and my dad's peculiar behavior. At ay rate, I'll have a bit of privacy on my hands. I guess if I didn't leave for the weekend every week, I would have gone crazy. I can't stay in company of people all the time.Sometimes, it does me good to be alone, if only for an hour or so. No it doesn't mean that I don't like people, I just get tired of them every once in a while. Is that so bad?

@настроение: He was the heart and the soul of the administration, but “the troika,” as those men came to be known, were the ears, mouth, and hands .


It was nice to get all the birthday wishes yesterday. My sister, as usual, ruined my mood, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. But yeah, I got a birthday wish from my best friend in Ukraine. I know that she's having a hard time due to family problems and I think it was the sweetest thing ever of her to actually take the time out of her life to send me a message. There might just be kindness in this world.

And after I got back from home back into the dorms, we had a little party. Few of my neighbors just ate cake and drank wine with me. We talked and it was pretty sall and quiet. I didn't complain. It's not like I expected much coming into my birthday. It's just hasn't been the same since I came to US. It's less of a holiday, celebration now. Slowly, it's turning into an ordinary day and if not for the bunch of wishes, a card from a friend and few gifts, I wouldn't even have noticed that I have become a year older.


@настроение: They misunderstood. Theysent me a stripper with a huge CLOCK.


Two more days.

@настроение: Maria believe we all like it loud.


Happy Birthday... to me.

@настроение: I'm only happy when it rains.


I feel the same. You know, they always tell you that college changes you entirely, but I feel the same. Aside from random drinking parties and occasional bump-and-grind with strangers, the rules of the game hadn't changed. I mean, I got a few new experiences, but that's about it. The fundamental person of who I was before stayed. I supposed it is a good thing. I like who I am though at times I dislike the rigidity of my convictions. Sometimes I do wish I was more outgoing, but then I wouldn't be me. Sure, tell me that there are thousands of other's just like me or millions of individuals similar to me, but that doesn't change the fact that I am who I am. There is no point chasing after a crazy dream of different personality. Face it, you're stuck with the cards mother nature and environment deals you. All's you have to do is ply the best game you can with the cards you got. After all, no one is perfect but what we make can be.

@настроение: In zwei Wochen werde ich mit Chemie fertig gewesen sein!


Oh boy, where to start? My parents like always made plans before telling me about it. My fabulous Saturday with friends turned into a visit to my parents' friend's house. Hurray! Just what I need to get my mind off things. Anyway, so like I always I had to sit there, smiling like I'm some sort of an idiot. The only consolation for this demeaning position? I got to see a smoking hot E from college with short hair.
Anyway, homework is over the hill and I feel fine. After all, as long as we live, we can brave anything, even stupidity. So then, onward my bretherin to a better tomorrow.

Океан Ельзи
"Дівчина (з іншого життя)"

Не така, як iншi, вона
I лягає спати сьогоднi одна,
Але щось таке в її очах.

В неї все вже було давно,
I вона хотiла знiматись в кiно -
Дiвчина iз iншого життя.

Я чекав тебе, чекав,
Я шукав тебе, шукав -
I знайшов.

Твоє минуле лiкував
I своє тобi давав
Знов i знов.

I не була в рiзних мiстах,
I вона не пише вiршi у листах,
Але щось таке в її словах.

Може, в неї дивне iм'я,
Може, десь на неї чекаю не я -
Дiвчина iз iншого життя.

Я чекав тебе, чекав,
Я шукав тебе, шукав -
I знайшов.

Твоє минуле лiкував
I своє тобi давав
Знов i знов.

Я чекав тебе, чекав,
Я шукав тебе, шукав -
I знайшов.

I пiснi тобi спiвав,
I з тобою я лiтав -
Знов i знов.

@настроение: Pole.You know. Pole. Do you get it? POLE


Oh my FUCKING GOD!!!!!!

Infected Mushroom AND Mindless Self Indulgence are coming to Chicago back to back!!!! I wanna go to both of them. It will be so fucking awesome. I can't fucking wait. I need to buy tickets NOW and just bully my friends into going with me. It will fucking ROCK!!!!

@настроение: AHHHHHHHHHH

Spank it like a Preacher